So Much On My Mind

These days I'm finding it hard to sleep! My mind just keeps going & going. Next Monday I will be in San Luis Obispo getting ready to pick my man up! Our time apart is almost over! I sooo look forward to hugging & kissing on him any damn time I want :) What does the future hold for us? Nobody knows but I'm can't wait to find out! I plan on loving Justin with all my heart each and every day that's all I know. Our relationship is so wonderful.....I will do whatever I can to help keep it that way. Unlike in my past relationships I will communicate whats on my mind instead of holding all inside. Justin has showed me over & over again it's ok to share my thoughts, fears, concerns, wants, desires, etc. with him without retaliation. He is a great listener among other things! His love is so damn special it is truly the most amazing thing I have ever experienced in my life. It's true, real, and unconditional! Thanks to him my life is worth living! Love you Justin Lee!

Almost Home 11 days

Wow....only 11 days and a wake up until I pickup & meet the man of my dreams! As funny as that sounds it's true. Meeting face to face after all these years.... I'm excited yet scared too. I've thought about our first kiss soooo many times I can't wait to find out how it will really be when the time comes. There is so much to do to prepare for his homecoming! Yes!!! Just a matter of time before we are holding each other tight and saying goodnight! True love sure has changed me!

42 Days & A Wake up

Missing my man like crazy! His love amazes me! Soon I'll be holding him close :) Love you baby

Amazing

It truly amazes me how much I have and continue to learn from this incredible man. He has showed me it's ok to be vulnerable and express my thoughts/feelings. I don't have to hide behind the "I don't care" tough exterior that I have hidden behind most of my life. As strange as it may sound I have comme to realize that even thou I have wanted nothing more than to find someone who loves me as much as I do them I'm not comfortable accepting that love. Justin is everything I've ever wanted loving, kind, caring, affectionate, considerate, funny, protective, patient, and so much more. I'm afraid his love is too good to be true sometimes. My head tells me to run sometimes, but my heart says NO WAY I'm all his and I'm not going anywhere :) Thank God! We will be together finally in 59 more days! I'm looking forward to spending each and every day with the man I love and adore so much.

The Anticipation Is Killing Me

70 days until my baby is FREE !! The anticipation is killing me. I'm so looking forward to being in his arms :) I want to hug & kiss him and NEVER let go! My best friend will be by my side I know that. People say men change once they are released from prison and I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I don't believe Justin will change at all. I believe he will be the same loving, caring, amazing person even after he comes home. It will be so nice to wake up next to him and fall asleep in his arms everyday!! I believe in our love as much as I believe in him! Our days of being alone are coming to an end.... Thank God!

Another Month Down

85 days until the man of my dreams is a free man. I can't wait to kiss & hold him tight! The days are dragging by for me....I'm so ready to start the next chapter in my life! Justin & I are so ready to start our life together. Living with his mom up in Lake Isabella will probably take some getting use to. It will be great seeing him reunited with his family! Time for us to create new memories! I'm excited to hear we will be having "Family" dinner night every Sunday with his mom and grandma. How nice it will feel to be a part of a family! Justin is finally realizing he is almost home..... a new start :) Hurry up May 27th!!!

Only A Few Months Left.....

Finally 2012 has arrived! As of today justin only has 114 days & a wake up left!! I'm so excited...more so for him. He started this journey almost 7 yrs ago a scared 19 yr old not sure what was going to happen once he caught the chain to the big house with the big boys. 7 yrs must have seemed like an eternity to him back then. Now he is just months away from being a free man again! Time for a second chance at life...looking forward to a future as a free man with 2 strikes looming over his head! never forgetting where he has been yet not looking back either. he has come so far over the years. he has grown up years beyond his age! he is coming out of prison a better person/man than he was when he went in! as strange as that sounds it's true! He made some poor choices at first but in the end he realized prison wasn't for him...he wanted more from life! So he changed his ways and his mindset in order to turn his life around. He's learned from his mistakes and has no plans on repeating them! i'm so proud of him! I am so lucky to have this remarkable young man in my life....as my lover and best friend! I look forward to us spending our future together. How long our relationship will last depends on us! if we continue to love & respect each other like we have done over the last 18 mths we should be ok. Never taking our love for granted! We haven't done things the "normal" way but we have done them "our" way. Taken the time to get to know each other better than anyone else ever did, We believe we have found true love & we refuse to walk away from it just because people don't agree or understand our relationship! We are going to live for US!!! Baby our time is almost here!!!!! until then i will continue to love you from miles away! Justin Lee you are amazing!

Getting Closer

With each passing day I get more excited! Just like 2011 is coming to an end so is Justin's 7yr ordeal. I remember last Christmas thinking how long it seemed until he was getting released in may 2012. Now it's just around the corner. Next year we will be spending the holidays together with his family! My life like Justin's is about to change! No longer living for everyone else I will be living for me and a chance at spending my life with someone I truly love! I can't wait to ring in the new year & the next chapter of my life!

He Finally Realized...

Wow.... one day he is telling me to move on then out of the blue a few weeks later he calls me so humble asking me if it's too late to pick up the pieces and work on getting our relationship back to where it was before he was blinded by only God knows what! The sound of his voice said it all...he was so sincere! Something finally got through to him that he didn't just love me but was IN LOVE with me! The first time he's ever felt true love. never did he think it was possible to find while behind bars and with a woman he's never met. It does seem crazy, but I knew months ago I was IN LOVE with Justin!!! No doubt about it! Now that we are on the same page and back on track it seems to just get better! Every time we talk he sounds so different....I can't explain it! I can hear the change in his voice....I can tell he is still amazed by his feelings!! It's cute! True love is hard to find and if you do find it you may only get chance at it so enjoy every minute of it!! I know I plan on it! I love being in love with Justin! Loving him is so easy! Love you baby!

My Heart Hurts...

Well as the saying goes...All good things must come to an end....and it hurts like hell! As Justin gets closer to the gate he is filled so many mixed emotions. He's been incarcerated since he was 19 and now at 25 he has to start over again. This time he will have a label attached to him..felon. The road ahead is going to be even tougher due to our poor economy and job market. He also feels he needs to be free...as a single man. I agree. He needs to explore what he thinks he missed. No matter how bad I was hoping to be by his side once he got out I know this is best. I respect him for telling me ahead of time instead of after I moved away and got a place for us. We have always said our friendship means the most to both of us. I will do my best to continue to love & support him as I have these last 3 years. Be there as his true friend who only wants the best for him. I WILL always love him with all my heart. He is a wonderful man who made a huge impact on my life. I will be forever grateful for all the memories we have made through our letters. We truly formed a bond like I've never had with anyone else! Thank you Justin! Love you always, your Lovebug

Phone Calls Change EVERYTHING

In May our ability to talk on the phone came to an abrupt end. Needless to say we had become spoiled by our daily 15 minute talks. I LOVE our letters but they aren't the same as hearing his voice, laughter and silliness among other things. I admit our relationship kind of leveled off for a few months. Last week I was able to have a landline installed just for Justin.. I call it Justin's Love Line :) Oh man what a difference! We laugh so much and we have learned NOT to take our calls for granted! Hearing his voice just calms me and makes my wait so easy. I long for the day we talk freely for as long as we want! holding each other close discussing anything and everything! The closeness we had the past came back instantly!!! I love him more and more EVERYDAY!!!!

New Pictures Of My Baby!

So Lonely Without Him

Hmmm things haven't been all that smooth between Justin and I the last month or so. All I can do is blame it on the "Short Timers Blues". He is getting antzy now that he's realized he is getting closer to the gate! Even though there is 9 mths left he is stressing over a place to parole to. I told him I wwasn't going to get us a place in Orange County until he had 2 mths left. I don't want to live by myself. So he's full of doubts which I understand. I wrote and told him to get a plan B just in case I can't get a place for us by the time he gets paroled. Oh man that didn't go over very well. He took it as I wasn't going to get us a place.... needless to say he tells me he thinks he would be better off being single after being locked up 7 years. Really? Ok...if you think so than I can't stop you. I feel he's full of crap but I haven't been able to talk to him about it....He should be getting my 11 page response any day now! Thank God on Tuesday I was able to get a landline in for him to call! Yes!!! I can't wait to hear his voice again!!! Problem is he won't get that news until the middle of next week :( So I will sit here and wait to hear that wonder ring of the telephone. Heck it's been so long since I've had a landline I'm not sure if I even remember what it sounds like :) I call it my Justinline! Hopefully once we can talk to each other we will get over this little hurdle of ours and start heading for the finiah line! TOGETHER.

Meeting The Family

After talking to Justin's Ma on the phone for the past few months I decided why not meet her in person. We get along great. She makes me laugh just like he does. He got his personality from her thats for sure! So we decided I would drive up to her place at Lake Isabella, CA for the 4th of July weekend. I live in Southern California so it was a nice 3 - 3 1/2 hour drive. Uneventful and peaceful drive. Thank God I got a country radio station almost the whole way! Yeeehaw. When I arrived Friday afternoon his Ma greeted me with a big hug and a comment about me wearing a sundress :) I told her I wasn't a girly girl so she must have expected a lil tomboy to pull up! I felt right at home from the second I stepped on her front porch. It was soooo hot up there. She took me to a nice local park along the Kern River. We hungout for awhile then headed home. She made a great dinner and we just kicked it for the night. On Saturday we went to a local camping area to see if we could locate Justins brother...and sure enough we did. I met him and a couple of his buddies. Seemed nice but quiet. I met his girlfriend later on in the day. Due to the heat and the holiday crowds it was impossible to find a place to jump in the lake. We decided we would just chill at home. Sunday I met Justin's Granny. She was very sweet too. Had us over for BBQ ribs which were awesome. I had to excuse myself early so I could get back to the house just in case Justin called...no such luck. I can't remember if the fireworks show was on Saturday or Sunday night but it was GREAT show. I watched it perfect from her frontyard...tears streaming down my face because I realized this time next year Justin will be FREE to share the fireworks with me! What a great thought that was. On Monday we did head to a spot at the lake but we didn't stay more than 10 minutes. Maybe next time. I left first thing Tuesday morning, but I didn't want to leave! I had a great time. I learned so much more about Justin that I went away loving him even more than I did when I got there! I have to say I really enjoyed meeting Justin's family...they made me feel like I was already a part of it!

Missing My Man

I miss Justin more then words can say. He seems so bummed out and distant. All I want to do is reach out and hug him but that's not possible. I pray whatever is bugging him passes real soon.

Almost....

In just a few days (May 27th) my baby will only have 12 mths left! I'm so excited. I pray this last year goes by fast! Just think when we kicked our friendship into high gear and made it into a relationship I remember him saying"it's only 20 mths...can you be there for me when I get out?" 8 mths have gone by and we are closer then ever!

Justin & A Few of The Cards He Has Made

Feeling like family....

I talked to Justin's Ma twice today! Our conversation are wonderful. I actually feel like I'm part of their family already. I can't wait to see him and his Ma together. They are so funny! I laugh so hard when I talk to both of them. She's as wonderful as he is!

My Man Is...

Simply The BEST! I wish I could explain how I feel about him, but there are no words to discribe it! He just does it for me...what is "it"? EVERYTHING. He makes me laugh, smile, and want to be a better person each and everyday! I love you Justin Lee!

Man Oh Man

Wow, the devil has been messing with our heads these last few weeks. For some unknown reason Justin is experiencing some terrible mood swings and filling his head with doubt. He calls it Short Timers Blues or some crap like that! I'm doing my best to keep him motivated and thinking positive but come on now...I'm going through some MAJOR changes myself! There are days when I wonder if I'm going to make it! All I can do is keep praying!